Posts in category: Coping With Grief

• Given the emotional state you are likely to be in, it’s important that you take your time when taking major decisions. Make a list of tasks and postpone those that can wait.
• Share household tasks and responsibilities. It will take time for you and your family to adjust to new responsibilities at home. Discuss changes in duties with other family members and establish a routine that everyone is comfortable with.
• Ask for help when you need it instead of trying to do everything on your own. Be specific about what you need and graciously accept any help that is offered.
• Seek help with financial and legal matters. Talk to a reliable legal and/or financial expert and plan your future.

Remember to pat yourself on the back and feel proud of the progress you make towards your goals even while you are grieving.

Changes in your interests, priorities and goals may affect your relationships after you lose a loved one. You may get closer to some friends or family members while you may grow apart from others. You may also develop new friendships.

You may no longer be interested in activities you previously enjoyed and you may develop new interests. These could include becoming involved in activities that were important to your loved one or volunteering.

If you were a caregiver to a loved one, you may feel lost after their death. You may feel a deep sense of emptiness with all the free time you have. You will need to find a new purpose and a new routine to fill the void you are experiencing.

The death of a loved one can also bring changes to your family’s income. You may need to focus on finding a job. Consult a career coach if you are returning to work after a long time or going to work for the first time.

• It is natural and healthy to grieve so allow yourself to do so without feeling guilty or ashamed, or judging yourself. There are no shoulds or shouldn’ts in the grieving process. Allow yourself to fully experience all your feelings. Set aside some private time every day to think about your loved one and experience the feelings that come up.
• Develop a support network of friends and family if you don’t already have one. Share your feelings with people you trust and feel safe with. When you lose a loved one, other loved ones gain even more importance in your life and you need to turn to them for support.
• Develop a daily routine that keeps you busy so that you don’t have time to think of your loss.
• Write down your feelings in a journal.
• To maintain a sense of normalcy and security and to reduce your stress, avoid making major changes, such as getting a new job or shifting house, soon after a loss.
• Be self-compassionate. Forgive yourself for the things you regret doing or saying as well as not doing or saying, and instead focus on your good memories.
• Find ways to connect with the loved one you have lost. You could light a candle in their memory every day, and have a designated time daily or weekly when you look at their photos or videos and recall fond memories.
• Establish a self-care practice. Grieving is both emotionally and physically exhausting which is why you need to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and get sufficient physical exercise.
• Find a physical activity that you enjoy – it would be even better if you could find someone to do the activity with. Playing a sport or simply hitting a punching bag may help release frustration or anger.
• Join a support group. Support groups offer you the chance to talk with others who have similar experiences – this helps reduce feelings of self-pity and ‘why me’.
• Seek professional help. A mental health professional can help you process any intense or complicated feelings that may surface during the grieving process.

The death of a loved one is one of life’s toughest challenges. It can take weeks, months and even years to come to terms with the loss of a spouse/partner, parent, sibling or child. Often, the death of a loved one is life transformational and can throw your present and future into turmoil.

You are overcome with grief which comes in different forms and encompasses a range of feelings – you can feel shock, numbness, sadness, denial, despair, anxiety, anger, guilt, loneliness, depression, helplessness, disbelief, confusion, and difficulty concentrating. You can even experience physical sensations such as tightness or heaviness in the chest or throat, nausea or an upset stomach, restlessness, dizziness, headaches, physical numbness, muscle weakness or muscle tension, fatigue, and insomnia. A grieving person may also become irritable or aggressive. The loss of a loved one may also cause you to question your faith and spiritual beliefs.

Grief can come in waves and cycles with periods of intense and painful feelings followed by periods of positive emotions. You may feel happy one day and be overcome with intense sadness the very next day. Significant dates, such as festivals, birthdays, anniversaries, etc, can be particularly challenging emotionally. Factors that may affect the grieving process include:

• The way the person died – was it a sudden death or was the person ill for a long time
• Was the death due to old age or was it an untimely death
• Whether you have a support network of friends and family or you are alone
• What are the customs in your culture and society

With the ebbs and flows of grief, your life is unlikely to ever be the same again!

However, research suggests that there is no ‘normal’ period to recover from loss and the process of grief is personal. According to the American Psychological Association, “Most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits” and “If your relationship with the deceased was difficult, this will also add another dimension to the grieving process. It may take some time and thought before you are able to look back on the relationship and adjust to the loss.”

Even though you may be engulfed by waves of grief and it feels like the pain will never end, the good news is that the intensity of your grief is likely to lessen over time and you will eventually adjust to life without the loved one you have lost.